literature

Isolation Chamber

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skullhips's avatar
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Literature Text

s-s-s-tuck in limbo;
run away (if you can)
the skeletons are whistling the twisted nerve.

b-e-t-t-e-r go
while he's being m-e-r-c-i-f-u-l;
run down the halls, screaming 'bloody mary',
but don't let her catch you with her cleaver.


monsters are clever, dragging themselves around in human skin,

"the devil isn't a little red man with horns and a tail.
he can be beautiful;
he's a fallen angel and he was once god's favorite."

you won't be heard when you plead for help.
everyone else is either fending for themselves
or coming for you.
I was watching horror movies & AHS last night, & I was listening to Killer - The Ready Set. So this happened.

-Chell
© 2015 - 2024 skullhips
Comments2
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Anj333's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

Line 1:
Capitalize the first 's'.
Line 2:
A comma would do better than the brackets.
Line 3:
It would do better to put a full-stop at the end of this line, rather than a comma.
Lines 4 and 5:
The fourth and fifth lines work better when combined.
Line 7:
When a person is speaking/screaming, we use double quotes.
Line 9:
I think you should put a full-stop at the end of this line.
Line 10:
When you use double quotes, you always capitalize the first letter.
Line 11:
The first letter should be capitalized as it starts as new sentence. A semi-colon would be better suited instead of a hyphen.
Line 13:
The first letter should be capitalized as it is the start of a new sentence. 'Plea' is a noun. The reader is performing an action in the line and so the word used should be a verb, i.e., 'plead', in this case.
Line 14:
The first letter should be capitalized as it is the start of a new sentence.
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This is a pretty good poem. You have to work on your punctuation, though. Also, try breaking up your sentences more often. Pauses at the right instances make a work more readable and enjoyable.